Messy eaters and sloppy handwriting

Recently, in a meeting I sat next to a man in his 40s or 50s asking the moderator about what to do at a dinner meeting if you are a messy eater. As the moderator provided her response, I started watching the man. Since realizing that Essential Tremor is often undiagnosed, I wondered if this man had a tremor. As the meeting progressed, it became obvious.

He would hold his non-tremor hand with his tremor hand after he was done trying to execute an activity, even though his hand was not trembling. When he would write, he would pause sightly before beginning to write in an attempt to control the mild tremor. He wrote with concentrated effort.  While his tremor was mild, he seemed to be accommodating it unconsciously.

After the meeting, I asked if he had a tremor. He said, I am coming to believe that I do have a tremor. I explained that it may be essential tremor and that it appeared to be activated when he was executing an activity like writing, etc. I explained that my daughter had ET and so did my husband. I referred him to the International Essential Tremor Foundation website as a resource and explained that he may have options. He started to explain that many people in his family had a tremor; his handwriting was terrible, and he was a messy eater. I tried to reassure him that he was not a messy eater or a poor hand writer. He simply had a tremor that made those tasks more difficult.

At that moment, I was grateful my daughter had been diagnosed at an early age. This wonderful kind man had simply accepted that being a messy eater and having poor handwriting was a personality trait that he was either unwilling or unable to conquer. Essential Tremor is not a reflection of poor self care or carelessness. People with ET have an amazing inner strength and resilience that is executed everyday to overcome their tremor in completing the smallest of tasks.

This experience was important to me because ET should not be a reflection of the personality, simply a challenge that needs to be addressed. Our family does not talk about Essential Tremor and I am not sure that my daughter remembers that she has a tremor. She is becoming more proficient in her writing everyday and actually she is beginning to color inside the lines.

It is not all roses. Both my children's artwork seems less advanced compared to the other children. Cutting is extremely challenging for them. It is jagged and when they try to cut in a circle, it is worse. Yet, as long as the teacher understands their challenge and respects the effort they are exerting in attempting to complete their work, the sense of self-esteem is not damaged.

Someday accommodations and acceptance may not be enough but today it is enough.