Messy eaters and sloppy handwriting

Recently, in a meeting I sat next to a man in his 40s or 50s asking the moderator about what to do at a dinner meeting if you are a messy eater. As the moderator provided her response, I started watching the man. Since realizing that Essential Tremor is often undiagnosed, I wondered if this man had a tremor. As the meeting progressed, it became obvious.

He would hold his non-tremor hand with his tremor hand after he was done trying to execute an activity, even though his hand was not trembling. When he would write, he would pause sightly before beginning to write in an attempt to control the mild tremor. He wrote with concentrated effort.  While his tremor was mild, he seemed to be accommodating it unconsciously.

After the meeting, I asked if he had a tremor. He said, I am coming to believe that I do have a tremor. I explained that it may be essential tremor and that it appeared to be activated when he was executing an activity like writing, etc. I explained that my daughter had ET and so did my husband. I referred him to the International Essential Tremor Foundation website as a resource and explained that he may have options. He started to explain that many people in his family had a tremor; his handwriting was terrible, and he was a messy eater. I tried to reassure him that he was not a messy eater or a poor hand writer. He simply had a tremor that made those tasks more difficult.

At that moment, I was grateful my daughter had been diagnosed at an early age. This wonderful kind man had simply accepted that being a messy eater and having poor handwriting was a personality trait that he was either unwilling or unable to conquer. Essential Tremor is not a reflection of poor self care or carelessness. People with ET have an amazing inner strength and resilience that is executed everyday to overcome their tremor in completing the smallest of tasks.

This experience was important to me because ET should not be a reflection of the personality, simply a challenge that needs to be addressed. Our family does not talk about Essential Tremor and I am not sure that my daughter remembers that she has a tremor. She is becoming more proficient in her writing everyday and actually she is beginning to color inside the lines.

It is not all roses. Both my children's artwork seems less advanced compared to the other children. Cutting is extremely challenging for them. It is jagged and when they try to cut in a circle, it is worse. Yet, as long as the teacher understands their challenge and respects the effort they are exerting in attempting to complete their work, the sense of self-esteem is not damaged.

Someday accommodations and acceptance may not be enough but today it is enough.

Conferences -- No surprises this time but what does the future hold

Spring, 2011

Teacher Sarah hosted conferences this week with the usual overview of how the kids were doing. At four, they had progressed as expected. This time there was little discussion of Leah's tremor.

Both the teacher, Leah and I have all learned so much. Leah seems unphased by tremors now. The teacher tries to remember to not call attention to her tremor and allows Leah to decide when she needs the weighted pencil and gel paper holder or the weighted wrist weight for cutting with scissors.  Leah goes to get her box of tools when she needs it. Leah does not use these tools when she is drawing with a crayon. The drag of the crayon seems to reduce the shake, Teacher Sarah said. Most of her classmates do not pay attention and are more fascinated with the tools she uses than judgmental.

 I thanked her for noticing the shake and for not creating tension with Leah by placing unrealistic expectations on her like coloring inside the lines. Yet, Leah is learning to color inside the lines on good days. I told her stories that I had read where teachers were knocking off points for penmanship. Our doctor indicated a computer may be necessary in the future and to teach her keyboarding as soon as possible.

Amazingly, she can manage a touch screen on a phone and play memory with ease. While I can see a minor shake as she plays, she simply keeps trying and moves through the stages of the game.

I wonder if it will get worse and if it does will teachers in the future be as accommodating, encouraging and helpful as teacher Sarah.

*** Note: This post was written last spring but was not published. As it adds to the journey, it has been belatedly posted.

Resilience comes naturally.

Resilience seems to come naturally for children. They think nothing of falling down a million times to learn how to crawl, walk or any number of activities.

Since the Essential Tremor diagnosis a year ago, my five-year old Leah has continued to learn to write letters and numbers. Her shake is less noticeable as she becomes more proficient at writing. Our neighbor is a neurologist and at a dinner party, she explained that initially, her shake was more pronounced because she was concentrating so diligently.

We hardly notice her shake in everyday life. Yet, there are days when she is a messier eater than most five-year-old children or her exhaustion from the day makes her writing a bit shakier. Also, she shakes when she tries to cut paper. Consequently, her artwork is a bit more jagged than the other children. 

Recently, the Kindergarten teacher had an interesting observation. Leah's twin brother is in the same class. Their teacher mentioned that Leah's brother also seems to shake when holding a scissors. He has not been diagnosed as it seems unimportant at this point.

When the shake is present, she works through the shake without mentioning it or even noticing it. Sometimes, she simply needs to take a short break before completing her task or homework. Her teacher understands this and simply allows her to complete it another day. The shake is most noticeable when she is trying to make beaded bracelets, which is a common activity for girls this age.  I watch her try and try again. Her resilience is only exceeded by her concentration. After some time, she often enlists her friends to help her. It never discourages her spirit. 

Despite these challenges Essential Tremor has been a minor annoyance for us. Thankfully, we have had wonderful teachers who have been helpful and understanding. They do not draw attention to her shake and she has thrived. 

Hopefully, the shake does not progress, or if it does progress, may it progress slowly into old age.